I am NOT okay

[Aya Farouk]

When I was young I thought life will always be good and fair as long as am not doing any thing wrong . But when I grew up I found out that life isn`t a bed of roses and I learned that in the hard way.

Am a foolish person full of flaws but am proud of all my flaws as long as they are kindness, expecting the good from others,and trust.

I don`t have many faces to wear and although my face can be full of tears and sorrow wrinkles I`ll proudly show them off and talk to my life and say "is that all u got?" .

Well, u can say that`s Foolishness itself but I just can`t see it this way ! .

I had many heart breaks along my way in life and after each heart break, I kept my head up and kept on smiling until a dear friend once gave me a definition for my case . It`s numbness.



Yes, it`s that numb feeling that u have after having many shocks on a row . And that what I kept on doing the past years of my life . I kept on smiling , joking , making friends and go on my life without a closure and without confession with how I felt.

Maybe because I didn`t know how I felt ! I didn`t give myself the time to heal !

I kept my wound opened and instead of healing it , I put it on the danger of being hurted again . And that what exactly happened ! .

I hurted myself time after time after time and I never set down with myself to say "stop ! " .

Because I persuaded myself that am fine while I wasn`t . But it`s never too late to confess . Never to late to let your tears come down and wash away your wounds .Never too late to say "sorry" to your heart "I didn`t mean to do this to u ! " . Never too late to put a closure for your pain and admit that :-

"you are NOT fine "

"you are hurted"

"Stop pretending" !

Let your feelings come out . Let "YOU" come out . That`s what I have learnt .

Am not okay , am hurted and deeply wounded and on the same hand, I don`t need any one`s sympathy I don`t need it because when I need help I wont be ashamed to ask it from a true friend.

Am gonna pull myself together and stand on my feet again . I will have my time to heal until I sincerely say I am fine , I am OKAY

-----

This article expresses how i feel right now although i wrote it a while ago
i hope u understand .
and i hope u like it

[محمد فهمي]

let your feelings come down
...this enough
جميلة يادكتورة...وأعجبتني....
وأنا ملاحظ إن حضرتك تكتبي بدقة، ومتمكنة في اللغة الإنجليزية، وتُجيدي تكوين عبارات بلاغية، وحتي علامات الترقيم تهتمي بها...ماشاء الله.....ننتظر المزيد

[Aya Farouk]

ميرسى جدا يا دوكتر
وشكرا عالمروووور

[dodhh]

تحفه بجد يادكتوره ايه

[Aya Farouk]

ميرسى جدااااااااااا

[ahmedofegypt]

When I was young I thought life will always be good and fair as long as am not doing any thing wrong . But when I grew up I found out that life isn`t a bed of roses and I learned that in the hard way.

That's Normal .Hard facts are probably taught in the hard way ..



Am a foolish person full of flaws but am proud of all my flaws as long as they are kindness, expecting the good from others,and trust.

It's a flaw to regard such things as flaws .. and that could be the beginning of a new way in which you believe that these features are advantages and real source of pride .. and take very good care of what your subconscious receives ..

Really amazing .. Well Done Dr. Aya ... one of your best writes .. full of language , style , feelings and gives mind a lot of work to do .

Excuse me .. I would like to bring a little comment ... The mistake I think you did here is that you just " said " to yourself " I'm O.K. " ... But We are really O.K. Only when We BELIEVE DEEPLY We are .. not just say it in words while ours soul and heart are still insisting to carry all these heavy duties and still remember all things we must forget and keep forgetting all what we have to remember .... and again .. watch carefully what message you are sending to your subconscious .. because it will lead you to wherever you want to ..

Thanks a lot

[Aya Farouk]

Really amazing .. Well Done Dr. Aya ... one of your best writes .. full of language , style , feelings and gives mind a lot of work to do .

Excuse me .. I would like to bring a little comment ... The mistake I think you did here is that you just " said " to yourself " I'm O.K. " ... But We are really O.K. Only when We BELIEVE DEEPLY We are .. not just say it in words while ours soul and heart are still insisting to carry all these heavy duties and still remember all things we must forget and keep forgetting all what we have to remember .... and again .. watch carefully what message you are sending to your subconscious .. because it will lead you to wherever you want to ..

Thanks a lot

Let me tell you something , I just turned 19 years Old but wz all i`v been through u can say am over a 100
I went through losing people who meant the world for me
I went through many heart breaks
I went through several Parents ` breaking up
I went through a Sister`s illness
I went through relationships that only brought agony to my life !
believe me i went through hell ! and some how am still alive
and that`s why i sent the wrong message to my subconscious
I convinced it that AM OKAY
that`s why i survived
so believe me DENIAL isn`t always that bad !
On the contrary , .... sometimes it`s our only hope
....
thnx for reading and happy that u liked it
it`s always my pleasure

[ahmedofegypt]

Let me tell you something , I just turned 19 years Old but wz all i`v been through u can say am over a 100
I went through losing people who meant the world for me
I went through many heart breaks
I went through several Parents ` breaking up
I went through a Sister`s illness
I went through relationships that only brought agony to my life !
believe me i went through hell ! and some how am still alive
and that`s why i sent the wrong message to my subconscious
I convinced it that AM OKAY
that`s why i survived
so believe me DENIAL isn`t always that bad !
On the contrary , .... sometimes it`s our only hope
....
thnx for reading and happy that u liked it
it`s always my pleasure

Let me tell you something too Dr. Aya ... If You are over a 100 then I would be over a 500 " just not to exaggerate " ..

Praise be to ALLAH .. I went through all this .. and you can add few more things .. which made me who I am now .. and I tried both ways .. denial and oral acceptance" without deep believe that I'm really O.K. " ..

But eventually I realized that I'm O.K. Only when I do three things ...

Firstly Deep Believe in ALLAH that I was not created on this earth to be unhappy or miserable and that ALLAH want me to be happy and O.K. I just have to follow the right way for it ...
Secondly .. Keeping convincing myself that I'm O.K. " convincing mixed with believing what I say from inside .. NOT denial " ....
Then .. Working hard with focus and little thinking about people .. when I work hard I can feel myself and go over pain and feel kind of satisfaction and love to people and life " somehow " ...

I didn't find an excellent way yet to be honest , but believe me I found few wrong ways .. which makes trial and error theory in it's way to find a solution for the problem .. after faith ..

I'm sorry for talking too much .. But I just care about that specific issue ..

It's always a pleasure to read words by you ... Thanks you so much

[Aya Farouk]

Done that too !
any way .. i really appreciate ur comments and thanks a lot
And ALLAH be wz us all

[M.Hegazy]

Nice Topic

5 stars

&

Best Wishes 4 u

regards , M.Hegazy